DEAR ABBY: My daughter was repeatedly date-raped at the age of 16. Her predator threatened to kill her if she ever told, so she kept it to herself until she could get away from him. It was a very scary time in her life, but with the help of counseling she is working through it and moving on with her life.
The problem is, while visiting with my in-laws it was pointed out to us that my mother-in-law had made a collage of pictures and included in it the person who raped my daughter. In all, there are five pictures of him in group settings. When my husband asked her calmly to remove them, she refused. She says it would punish the other grandchildren if she removed the pictures, and it would “ruin her collage.”
We have asked her three times, but she refuses to budge. She says we all need counseling and that the request is completely out of line. Do you think our request was out of line? — APPALLED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR APPALLED: Of course not! Was your mother-in-law aware of what this person had done to her granddaughter when the collage was created? If so, her reaction is bizarre and unbelievably insensitive.
Approach her once more and ask if she would agree to take the collage to a photographer so your daughter’s attacker can be digitally edited out of it. If that’s not possible, perhaps she would agree to take down the collage when your family visits. However, if the response to that request is also negative, I wouldn’t blame you if you went there very rarely, if ever.
(This top item is from the Dear Abby archives)
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lived in my home most of the time for about six years. During that period, she rented out rooms in her house. She paid her bills, and I paid mine, but I covered her living off me. At the time, it didn’t bother me much because I could afford it, although I would have preferred to save that money.
I have since sold that house and bought my dream retirement home in another state. Now, I stay with her, and her renters have moved out. It’s unpleasant sometimes because when she gets drunk she accuses me of using her. (It’s true, I am.) Is it OK to use her by staying in her home without really liking her much? I feel it’s my turn to leech, and I’d like to stick it out until I retire in about a year. — WAITING TO MOVE
DEAR WAITING: It’s OK with me as long as it’s OK with you. But don’t kid yourself. You’re not living there rent-free. Tolerating an unpleasant drunk is the price you’re paying, and only you can determine whether it’s worth it.
